atoms into suns

I'm still getting used to this whole parenthood thing. It really wasn't all that long ago that I was a kid, thinking that my parents were so old and that they knew everything. Now that I'm a parent myself, I know better, but I'm also very aware that my kids rely on me (us) for everything and expect me (us) to know exactly what to do.

I'm also the type of person who only goes to the doctor when she's near death -- or pregnant, but that's something else altogether -- so it didn't really occur to me that if we've been sick for nearly three weeks we might want to get checked out. Fortunately, I talked to my mom late last week and she convinced me to call the doctor's office and at least ask them if we should go in. So it happened that on Friday we found out that our oldest has a mild case of pneumonia.

Thankfully, it can be taken care of with antibiotics and won't require a hospital stay, but this is another one of those experiences that just drives home how little I know about parenting.

(I fared a lot better -- nothing worse than an impressive post-nasal drip.)

I'm tired of divisive politics, I'm tired of bad news, I'm tired of lies, I'm tired of complete lack of trust and faith in others, I'm tired of people being killed and maimed and giving away their freedoms and growing more desperate. People can't even buy crappy furniture without mortal peril. The good things are overshadowed by the offensive, inane, and awful.

As a Baha'i, I know that things will get better. I also know things have to get worse first, but I keep wondering if we're ever going to hit bottom. Every time I think we must be about there, the bottom drops again. We're down the rabbit hole, and frankly, it scares the crap out of me.

We have but to turn our gaze to humanity's blood-stained history to realize that nothing short of intense mental as well as physical agony has been able to precipitate those epoch-making changes that constitute the greatest landmarks in the history of human civilization.

Shoghi Effendi, World Order of Baha'u'llah, pg. 45

The long ages of infancy and childhood, through which the human race had to pass, have receded into the background. Humanity is now experiencing the commotions invariably associated with the most turbulent stage of its evolution, the stage of adolescence, when the impetuosity of youth and its vehemence reach their climax, and must gradually be superseded by the calmness, the wisdom, and the maturity that characterize the stage of manhood. Then will the human race reach that stature of ripeness which will enable it to acquire all the powers and capacities upon which its ultimate development must depend.

Shoghi Effendi, World Order of Baha'u'llah, pgs. 201-202

I've decided to go on a news fast. I'm becoming more and more negative and cynical, and I don't like it.

(For the record, I'm not depressed. I don't do depressed well, but I am very good at being grumpy.)

My hope is that by avoiding the bad stuff for a while I can get my shiny happy outlook back, but either way, I know I need to do something. I've been trying to figure out what kind of service I can do with my small children in tow. I haven't figured it out yet, but I think it's time to work harder on coming up with an answer. Ideas are welcome.

Fortunately, immediately after deciding on the news fast, I found My Little Golden Book about Zogg (via Making Light). Tears of laughter streaming down your cheeks is a good way to start a news fast.

If I learn two Chinese characters per day, I'll be fluent in three years.

Three years.

I first took Mandarin in college thirteen years ago, then quickly forgot what I'd learned. Ever since then I've been trying to figure out how to set aside the time to learn and study. I'll start going over my old books, practicing characters, reading the exercises, and before long I skip a day because I don't have time, and then another, and soon I've put the books back on the shelf and forgotten everything I'd relearned... until the next time I do the same thing. But two characters a day? I can do that. Carry around two flash cards all day, scribble it a couple times, read a practice sentence or two when I have a second.

I've been trying to get myself organized lately. A friend pointed me to the FlyLady website, and I started reading up on her method. She talks about 15-minute blocks. Clean this or organize that for 15 minutes. You can do another 15-minute block if you want, but do 15 minutes each day and it'll get done a lot faster than if you wait for a big block of time to do it all at once.

A while ago I started reading Getting Things Done, and though I didn't finish it (ahem), one of the things that stuck with me is that if something can be done in two minutes or less, do it now.

I've been working on these two suggestions, taking things in small pieces instead of big chunks, and not only am I getting things done, but I have a much more optimistic outlook, too. I don't have to learn 25 characters a week, I just have to learn two a day. I don't have to purge and organize the toys all at once, but I can make a big dent with a few bins and 15 minutes.

A few years ago someone told me that if you read ten pages a day, you can read all of the Baha'i Writings that have been translated into English in one year. I just read about a person who, instead of trying to learn all the things he wants to learn at once, trying to find time for them all, devotes a year to one subject, then picks a new one for the next year, and so on. You can learn 2000+ Chinese characters (the usual definition of reasonable fluency in Chinese) in three years by learning just two characters a day.

Amazing what you can get done just by breaking it down into manageable chunks.

Right there in the Natural Living section, next to the essential oils, was a row of fragrances. There were the regular-type ones, like Sweet Pea and other flower scents. There were some unusual ones, like Grass and Tomato.

Then there were the inexplicable. Dirt and Funeral Home.

I'd take a picture, but a) our camera is broken, and b) last time I took a silly picture in a grocery store I got a stern talking-to by some manager-type in Albertsons. I suspect Wild Oats would be a little more laid-back about such things, but I Fear Stern Grocery Store Managers now.

For some time now I've had my house plan in my head. It came to me one day, the image of the house I would one day build. It's based on a house I was once in, a basic log-cabin style house. Of course, I had to adapt it to our needs -- bedrooms for kids, office, this and that. I collected little notes on things I liked and disliked about houses I've been in. Over the past year or two it's become completely unrecognizable from the house it's based on. The kitchen has moved. So has the living room. Bill discovered cordwood masonry, so it's now built of that and maybe some strawbales. I discovered the Not So Big House books, so a lot of those concepts are included. The fact that I know nothing about architecture hasn't stopped me; we'll take this idea to a real architect before the house is built, and s/he will refine it quite a bit.

This is a good example of how I do a lot of things in my life. I don't just come up with a plan and start following it; I let it fester in my brain for quite a while. In theory this is good because it keeps me from wasting effort and making lots of mistakes. In practice it's bad, because it keeps me from doing anything.

My blogging style is a good example of this. I started this blog with great ideas on what it was supposed to be, but then I let it stagnate. I'm not sure exactly what to do with it. I want it to be fairly topical, but then I get frustrated when I can't think of something on-topic to write about. I think I should just write something, anything, to just get the writing juices flowing, but I don't want it to turn into a boring what-I-did-today-and-no-one-cares-about account. On top of that, I'll often think of a topic and what to write about, but when I sit down to type it it never comes out like I'd wanted, and I've often forgotten a lot of what I wanted to say. I think from now on I'll just sit down and type, and not worry about getting it to sound exactly right. I'd rather start building and make a few mistakes than never start at all.