atoms into suns

I'm still getting used to this whole parenthood thing. It really wasn't all that long ago that I was a kid, thinking that my parents were so old and that they knew everything. Now that I'm a parent myself, I know better, but I'm also very aware that my kids rely on me (us) for everything and expect me (us) to know exactly what to do.

I'm also the type of person who only goes to the doctor when she's near death -- or pregnant, but that's something else altogether -- so it didn't really occur to me that if we've been sick for nearly three weeks we might want to get checked out. Fortunately, I talked to my mom late last week and she convinced me to call the doctor's office and at least ask them if we should go in. So it happened that on Friday we found out that our oldest has a mild case of pneumonia.

Thankfully, it can be taken care of with antibiotics and won't require a hospital stay, but this is another one of those experiences that just drives home how little I know about parenting.

(I fared a lot better -- nothing worse than an impressive post-nasal drip.)

We seem to have picked up some superstar of a cold virus in this house, because we've been sick for nearly two weeks now, with the last five days being especially craptastic. Cough, runny nose, tiredness, fuzzy brain, we've got it all. This is the biggest factor contributing to my severe grumpiness right now.

Last night I got out of the house for the first time in days for a much-needed break from caring for sick people and staring at the same walls. I had dinner, went to the bookstore, and had a pleasant evening. I was starting to feel a little more normal again.

I was waiting at a stop light to turn left to head home. The light turned green, with a green arrow for me. The car in the opposing turning lane turned, and so did I -- or I started to, when I noticed that a car in the oncoming lane was coming pretty fast. I hit the brakes and glanced up at the light -- it was a green light; the green arrow was already gone.

Of course, the guy in the car made it clear -- vivid, even -- just what kind of f*cking idiot he thought I was. So much for my good mood.

How did the green arrow disappear in the time it took me to get 15 feet into the intersection? Did my sleepy brain black out for a few seconds before I actually went? Did I hallucinate the green arrow? Did the Global Consciousness Project number generators jump a few minutes beforehand, causing a ripple in the ether that made me hit the brakes? We may never know.

But I think I'll stay away from driving until the cold goes away.

(Plastering nonsensical stuff like this on the internet, though, seems to be fair game. Why do I have the ominous feeling that I'm going to regret this when I come to my senses? And why am I ignoring that feeling?)

1. I was born and raised in a small town in North Dakota. My dad was a farmer and my mom, a secretary. There are no stoplights in the town. My high school graduating class had 37 students.

2. I have a Bachelor of Science degree in Materials Science and Engineering from MIT.

3. I am a Bahá'í. I believe that faith is meant to be lived, not just professed. This is the difference between spirituality and religion.

4. I am married and have small children. I believe that spending time with them is the most important (and, happily, the most fun) thing I can do right now. Fortunately, I am able to be a full-time stay-at-home mom. This doesn't mean we're rich; it means we're willing (and able) to make sacrifices for what's important.

5. I live in the Boulder/Denver area, Colorado, USA.

6. I have no political affiliations. This does not mean that I don't care deeply about the world around me. Mostly it means that I haven't seen any politicians who I can relate to, let alone believe in enough to trust with my liberty. I do have strong opinions on a number of issues, and understand that the world is a very imperfect place in need of a lot of work.

7. I have a lot of interests, and they seem to rotate and evolve -- as they should. Mostly those interests include learning: about languages, cultures, sciences, societies, and the world around me. I love researching things simply to learn something cool. I also enjoy learning things that I don't agree with; this is the only way to know whether I truly disagree with them.

8. While I always try to assume that people have the best motives, I also have a pretty sensitive BS meter. I despise deliberately misleading information and strongly dislike misleading information in general. Any information passed off to me as true is usually meticulously checked.

9. Do not tell me about people and what they did. Talk to me about ideas and dreams.

10. I care deeply about a number of issues, including privacy. I don't like a bunch of strangers to know details about me, so I often ask myself why I have a personal website and air my beliefs for anyone to read. The reason is not that I think my own beliefs are more important or compelling than anyone else's; rather, I believe that everyone's ideas are important and compelling and should be heard. For me, this is a way to distill my beliefs and ideas as a first step toward making the changes the world needs. We are all here to change the world.